Most Annoying of 2005
1. Paris- So, why are you famous? Oh yes, you are the heiress to the Hilton hotels. Wait, why are you famous? You say you love animals, yet you love to wear them. You date a Backstreet boy and the sloppy-seconds of Mary-Kate and Shannon Dougherty. That’s NOT hot. I am ready to pay the paparazzi to not take pictures of you and then hopefully you will disappear and the world will be a much happier place.
2. MTV's Laguna Beach reality snobs- I just don't get it?! It's like we are rewarding these spoiled rich brats for thinking the world revolves around them and their precious "OC". Why can't we do a reality show about the drama of the band geeks or something?
3. Lindsay Lohan- So, you go to eat at the paparazzi infested "Ivy" in LA. Then you get in your convertible Mercedes Benz and speed past "The Ivy" like NASCAR a couple times. Stop your complaining about paparazzi. Remember- don't bite the hand that feeds you. And if it really does bother you- hit up your local Taco Bell drive-thru. Then for the love of God, scarf down a couple Gorditas and put some meat on those bones. Or even better, if you don't want the paparazzi to bother you, move to some deserted island so we don't have to listen to you complain about the press and your horrendous music.
4. Celebrity Marriages- Just stop. Think about it. Don't do it.
5. The Simpson family regime- No wonder Nick got the heck out of there. I am tired myself of watching her shop and my eyes roll like Nick's when she pulls the ditzy blonde act. I gag when I watch her father, the former minister, talk about his daughter's bustling breasts (weird). And I want to put a bullet in my head when I listen to Ashlee force her vocal chords through a song. Sweetie, you're only famous 'cause you sister is hot! And actually, your sis only reached A-list status because of Newlyweds. Now newly divorced, parents are going to have to explain to their poor little pre-teens that just bought the season three DVD of Newlyweds, why Nick and Jessica are no longer newlyweds. Way to go! Some lessons learned because of the fallen Simpson regime: Money doesn't buy happiness, don’t jinx your marriage by overexposing it on MTV and don't lip sync on live TV and blame it on your band (not cool). And for the men out there- don’t marry a girl if she has an Electra complex with her father.
6. Tom Cruise- What the hell happened to Tom Cruise? Lecturing Matt Lauer. Hopping around like a horny age on Oprah's couch. Hiring a young actress to fabricate a marriage? Anyone who believes that aliens invaded earth or whatever that wacko religion believes, probably needs those meds that they denounce. And Tom truly needs to "come out of the closet" (see South Park) .
7. Britney- She will go down in the books with Michael Jackson, Anna Nicole Smith and Tom Cruise. Once immortal icons, now, they are like tragic Greek figures. Ever since her marriage to "K. Fed" her white trash roots, and not to mention dark roots, have begun to show. She should have listened to K-Fed's other baby's mama!
8. Nicole Ritchie- You became famous because you dad is Lionel Ritchie? What? Lionel is not cool! I wonder if I was Michael Bolton’s daughter if I would become famous and get to hang out with heiresses. Your ’06 resolution- Eat! Eat! Eat!
9. Brad and Angelina- When you are an actor, I really think that you have to go into it knowing that you are going to be working with some of the most beautiful specimens in the world. And you will be tempted doing all those hot 'n sweaty sex scenes. Dude, did you not see it coming? Jen must have taken a big nervous gulp when he told her he was starring in a movie with Angelina Jolie. I thought you were cool Braddy boy but like your ex-wife said you're "missing a sensitivity chip". In my disappointment, I have brad-cotted "Mr. and Mrs. Smith".
10. Donald Trump- He has probably never heard the term "Less is more" but c'mon man enough of "The Apprentice". We're over it. It's like dating- leave us waiting for that call. Don't give it all up on the first date! Less is more!
2. MTV's Laguna Beach reality snobs- I just don't get it?! It's like we are rewarding these spoiled rich brats for thinking the world revolves around them and their precious "OC". Why can't we do a reality show about the drama of the band geeks or something?
3. Lindsay Lohan- So, you go to eat at the paparazzi infested "Ivy" in LA. Then you get in your convertible Mercedes Benz and speed past "The Ivy" like NASCAR a couple times. Stop your complaining about paparazzi. Remember- don't bite the hand that feeds you. And if it really does bother you- hit up your local Taco Bell drive-thru. Then for the love of God, scarf down a couple Gorditas and put some meat on those bones. Or even better, if you don't want the paparazzi to bother you, move to some deserted island so we don't have to listen to you complain about the press and your horrendous music.
4. Celebrity Marriages- Just stop. Think about it. Don't do it.
5. The Simpson family regime- No wonder Nick got the heck out of there. I am tired myself of watching her shop and my eyes roll like Nick's when she pulls the ditzy blonde act. I gag when I watch her father, the former minister, talk about his daughter's bustling breasts (weird). And I want to put a bullet in my head when I listen to Ashlee force her vocal chords through a song. Sweetie, you're only famous 'cause you sister is hot! And actually, your sis only reached A-list status because of Newlyweds. Now newly divorced, parents are going to have to explain to their poor little pre-teens that just bought the season three DVD of Newlyweds, why Nick and Jessica are no longer newlyweds. Way to go! Some lessons learned because of the fallen Simpson regime: Money doesn't buy happiness, don’t jinx your marriage by overexposing it on MTV and don't lip sync on live TV and blame it on your band (not cool). And for the men out there- don’t marry a girl if she has an Electra complex with her father.
6. Tom Cruise- What the hell happened to Tom Cruise? Lecturing Matt Lauer. Hopping around like a horny age on Oprah's couch. Hiring a young actress to fabricate a marriage? Anyone who believes that aliens invaded earth or whatever that wacko religion believes, probably needs those meds that they denounce. And Tom truly needs to "come out of the closet" (see South Park) .
7. Britney- She will go down in the books with Michael Jackson, Anna Nicole Smith and Tom Cruise. Once immortal icons, now, they are like tragic Greek figures. Ever since her marriage to "K. Fed" her white trash roots, and not to mention dark roots, have begun to show. She should have listened to K-Fed's other baby's mama!
8. Nicole Ritchie- You became famous because you dad is Lionel Ritchie? What? Lionel is not cool! I wonder if I was Michael Bolton’s daughter if I would become famous and get to hang out with heiresses. Your ’06 resolution- Eat! Eat! Eat!
9. Brad and Angelina- When you are an actor, I really think that you have to go into it knowing that you are going to be working with some of the most beautiful specimens in the world. And you will be tempted doing all those hot 'n sweaty sex scenes. Dude, did you not see it coming? Jen must have taken a big nervous gulp when he told her he was starring in a movie with Angelina Jolie. I thought you were cool Braddy boy but like your ex-wife said you're "missing a sensitivity chip". In my disappointment, I have brad-cotted "Mr. and Mrs. Smith".
10. Donald Trump- He has probably never heard the term "Less is more" but c'mon man enough of "The Apprentice". We're over it. It's like dating- leave us waiting for that call. Don't give it all up on the first date! Less is more!
posted by Riley at 12:04 PM
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